Anxiety and Hesitation

Deep down.. I know I hate coming to work. The consistent feeling of dread every Sunday and the struggle to wake up every morning are signs. Signs to GTFO and find something different for you to do, and yet I hesitate. I hesitate as more and more doubt continue to flood my head..

“What if you never find a job”

“I should appreciate the fact that I have a job”

“You mastered in HR, so shouldn’t you be in HR”

“Am I giving up too easily?”

and so on… and so on. So much doubt and now I feel like I’m back at square one. Have I done my research? Do I have a plan? I believe I can yes to both those questions, but I’m still doubting myself. Maybe I have to ask myself, what do I get if I stay in this job?

The respect of others – but it’s my life, who else but me should be dictating how I live?

Financial security. – I could easily lose my job the next day, or maybe I should be budgeting and cut out extra costs.

Career stability – but what’s the point if I don’t want to be in HR?

I know what’s at the end of this path for me, and maybe that’s why I’m hesitating. This is the path of less resistance, the path filled with certainty and as little risk as possible. While the other path is filled with the unknown. What’s at the end of the other path? Big success? or failure? I really don’t know and at the end of the day no one does!

So it’s time to ask myself am I willing to take that leap of faith? or will I stay in my predetermined path? (granted staying at my job carries some risk and unknown, but for the most part it is the most stable of the two). I have to remember that I do have options if I leave. I can do temporary assignments or I can even do contractor work like with bite squad.

I notice at the end of every article there’s a call to action. So this is my call to action:

  • Find a way to lower payments on my school loan
  • Apply for Bitesquad (just part time, over the weekend to try it out)
  • Talk with my team or boss to address how I’m feeling.

This my challenge to myself. The question is will I cower and hide? or will I step up?

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