My hand began to shake. I immediately moved my hands underneath the table and clasped it together. I hope no one noticed, I thought to myself. The three managers sat around me and were in the process of jotting down what I had said earlier. I worked at so and so company and left to do this and that. You know the usual response I give during interviews.
My inner voice kept exclaiming. You can do this. You can do this. Just get through the interview, but god I hope I don’t have to start today.
“Okay…” One of the woman stopped jotting down her notes. She sat next to me with her legs crossed and spoke with such professionalism, but didn’t come off as intimidating. “Can you tell us more about your position at ABC?”
The room fell silent as soon as she finished her question. The other two women sat across from me and they too had just finished writing their notes. The woman to the right of me had a smile on her face as if excited to hear my response. Meanwhile the other woman to the left was a bit quieter and she wore a serious look on her face, unimpressed by my previous answer.
Her name isn’t the only thing she had in common with my old coworker. Her stoic look also reminded me of my last coworker who seemed distant and hard to impress.
The interview continued on… I flaunted my feathers like a peacock. Upselling everything I did in my work history. To the point where I almost believed in my own skills.
Worked in a team. Check.
Learns quickly. Check.
Tells a lot of jokes and puns. Double Check. This statement garnered laughter and smiles from everyone, well everyone except one of course. I just have to accept that you can’t make everyone laugh.
The interview, I have to admit, was going well. I even found myself actually wanting to fight for this job. Trying to prove to everyone that hey I’m the right guy and I’ll get the job done for you! Then the interview came to an end and my feelings of euphoria disappeared.
I don’t want this job. I continued to smile and nod enthusiastically as they talked about the job duties and the hours. Right the hours… I can’t even begin to describe how much my heart dropped. Full time. Doing HR. In an office space. Everything that I’ve learned to dread and avoid since my last job.
“It was nice meeting you! Thank you for coming!” The lady next to me got up and extended her hand towards me. I told my inner voice to shut up as I stood up from the chair and reached out to her.
“Thanks for having me and it was nice meeting all of you!” I exclaimed in an attempt to mask how I was truly feeling.
Just like that the interview wrapped up and I found myself in the elevator. My excitement was going down as fast as the elevator and then before I knew it I found myself alone with my thoughts as I wandered the streets of downtown.
I hate the next thoughts that came rushing into my head. I need this job, but I don’t want this job.
To everyone here… what would you do? Or what are you doing right now to sustain your current lifestyle? I truly want to write, but as you noticed even that came to a pause.