She began to cry in front of Xen. He attempted to sympathize with her, but kept telling himself that he couldn’t. Was this really the right decision? He thought to himself. Her light sniffling soon developed to sobs and her eyes turned red. She let out screams of sadness that echoed throughout the room. It was only the two of them so there was no fear of anyone hearing, but Xen’s inside still felt weak. He felt weaker with every minute that passed and with every scream of pain that she let out.
“I’m sorry… You don’t have to forgive me.” Xen attempted to reach out to her, but his voice was drowned out by her crying.
He watched as she tried to stifle her crying, but it was no use. Her tears were pouring as if a dam had just been broken. She attempted to look at Xen, but could barely manage to hold eye contact with him for more than a couple of seconds. Xen knew what he had done, and he knew that it wasn’t an easy decision. He prepared himself for this, but it was no use. Once you were in the situation then all amount of preparation went flying out the window.
He tried to speak to her again. “I have to go. I guess… I’ll see you around.”
The sobbing stopped. She looked to him and shook her head. “Please… please don’t go. You don’t have to do this.”
She’s right… I didn’t have to, but I needed to. He thought to himself, and soon tears began to roll down his face as well. He told himself that he wouldn’t cry and that he’d need to be strong and steadfast in his decision, but it was no use. He was leaving the woman he loved to fight in some impossible mission that he couldn’t even explain to her. He could have asked her to wait, but he wanted to spare her the pain. There was no chance he’d be returning, and even if he did. He probably would not be the same person.
“I’m sorry Felicia… I can’t… do this anymore. Please understand. I need to go.”
“Why Xen? Please… can you at least tell me why?”
Xen thought about telling her the truth. Telling her about the mission he needed to go on. You mustn’t at all cost tell anyone about this mission. This is a matter of life and death, and telling anyone about our mission would jeopardize the lives of the people we love. His father’s words rang through his head, and he held on this thought to prepare himself for what would be coming next.
“I… don’t love you anymore.” His voice shook. Felicia knew him better than anyone else and would probably see through this lie, but he couldn’t let her see through this one. Then he wiped the tears away from his eyes and took a deep breath. “I don’t feel the same way anymore, and I think it’s best that we each go our own way.” This time he spoke with more clarity and he kept his voice from shaking.
He watched Felicia and tears returned to her eyes, but her eyes scowled at him. “Then go.” She turned away from him.
Xen tried to reach out to her. To console her, but he stopped himself. He knew deep down that there was no going back after this. He had cut off the last of his ties and now there was nothing to keep him from going. No words were said. What else could be said? Xen stood up and walked towards the door. He looked back once more at her, but she was still facing away and then he closed the door behind him.
As soon as he did that, Felicia began to sob uncontrollably once more. He heard her through the door and every fiber in his body begged him to go back in and comfort her, but he kept reminding himself of his father’s words. He had no choice, so he looked forward and walked away.
“I’m sorry Felicia… for everything. You’re so much stronger than me and I know one day you’ll find someone to live a normal and happy life with.” He whispered under his breath. Then he marched forward, ready to face the inevitable threat that would soon approach this world.